In Church today we learned that there are 4 cancers to relationships: criticism, comparison, complaining, and competition. When I heard that, right away I knew that I needed to work on criticism. My mind went back to Friday afternoon:
At about 3:00pm, I got an email from Ms. Isler (Coulson's teacher) giving us a weekly progress report. This is one section:
"READING: As part of an incentive to keep kids reading, I would like to congratulate the following students for reading and taking AR tests during the course of the year. Congratulations to: Jaime, Jake F, Katie, Vaibhav, Corey, Isaac (25 point club), Kira, Piper, Susanna, Xandria, Jake B, John (50 point club), Christian, Bryan, Noah, Wesley, Nathan, Andy (100 point club), Jackson, Hannah (250 point club) and Coulson (500 point club). That’s a lot of reading, keep it up!"
So I was amazed. AR tests are comprehension tests that kids take on books that they have read. Points for each book are determined by the book's difficulty level as well as the student's comprehension. You have to read a LOT of books to score high. And wow! Not only was Coulson in the "500 point club," he was the ONLY one in it. I admit that I received this news with mixed feelings. One one hand, I am so proud of him! He's trying so hard to acheive and is doing it, but on the other hand, his nose is so often stuck in a book!
At 3:50, he, Aiden and Evie got off the bus to a 50-degree, sunny day here in February. The first thing Coulson did after his backback hit the floor is plop on the couch and read. Did I mention that it's beautiful, and it's the Pacific Northwest? I'm ashamed to admit what happened next.
"Coulson, it's a gorgeous day outside. Why don't you go shoot some hoops, or something?"
"Naw. I just want to read."
"Yeah, but you won't get many more days like this, and you know? There's more to life than books."
Well, this offends him and he says, "Mom, it's not like I read all the time. I just want to read today."
"All right, Mr. 500-point-club; I know you read a lot, and you'd better get outside!"
So Coulson stomped out and cried, "You can make me go outside, but you can't make me do anything!" He then slumped down on a stool on the back patio and glowered at the ground.
On the one hand, he was being a stinker, but on the other hand, what was I trying to gain by using this incentivizing info in a negative way to try to force my kid to enjoy the outdoors?
I opened the slider, "Coulson, forget it. Come in and read if you want." He knew how I felt, and he could make his own decisions.
"Mom, I just feel bad that you think that all I do is read."
"Coulson, your dad and I both spent a couple of hours a day playing outside. It's just hard for me to understand."
I didn't really say anything else. I just kind of went back to folding laundry, and he went back to his book, and that was where we left it.
Then Spence came home a couple of hours later, and I was chagrinned to hear what I should have said. With a great big smile, he walked over to Coulson, slapped him on the back, and said,
"Great job for being in the 500 point club, Coulson! I'm really proud of you!"
Yeah, ouch. That simple. Why didn't I think of that? Thank goodness there are two parents! In the meantime, I'll still encourage him to enjoy the outdoors, but I'll also try to be a little more positive and supportive about the good choices he's already making--even if they wouldn't be my choices. Besides, there are worse things in life than reading too much, right?
5 comments:
Heather, you are a wonderful mother and I am sure that your kids would be the first to tell you that!
Wanting your child to be well-rounded and experience life in many aspects is not terrible.
Stop stressing.
The next time you want him to spend some time outdoors instead of in a book, just let him know that you want to help him experience life a little more fully in case he would like to WRITE a book of his own one day.
:)
Love you tons!
Another idea would be to go outside with him and the other kids and have a play time. I'll bet he'd jump for that!
You're doing a great job, Heather. Your kids are great, too.
Well, Coulson is the opposite of me. I'd probably have a better chance at no sugar for a year than making the 500 club. You have such wonderful kids. I just hope mine learn how to read.
I think we're always the hardest on ourselves. I've done similar to that as well. It's just nice that there is always another day to do something different. That's awesome you have a great reader. There definitely are worse things he could be so passionate about.
That's one of the things that I like best about your mothering; you make it okay for you to change you mind. I think your kids don't see it as you giving into them, but that you've thought about your actions a little more. I like you, Heather, and I think a lot about you in my parenting.
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